


My Guilt.

by tazzberries69



Category: Dangan Ronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Blood and Injury, Dark, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:28:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25873633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tazzberries69/pseuds/tazzberries69
Summary: Merely days after leaving prison, Haiji Towa attempts to make amends with the Warriors of hope and the people who called him a friend.
Relationships: Daimon Masaru/Shingetsu Nagisa, Towa Haiji/Fujisaki Taichi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	My Guilt.

**Author's Note:**

> !!PLEASE READ THE TAGS THEIR IMPORTANT THERE'S A LOT OF TRIGGERING STUFF IN THIS CHAPTER!!

Haiji cringed, his face crinkling up in pain as he felt the cold metal against his skin. Looking away as he pressed down, welding him helpless as he dragged his blade against his skin. It was slow painful mahogany of pain and suffering. It went by quick in real-time, but to Haiji? It was slow, painful. Like how he liked it. The blood beaded up from the laceration as he stared. Only staying in a position before he brought the blade again. This, continued, mark, after mark, after mark. Soon his whole arm was consumed by these little cuts. He smiled. A soft, pained smile as tears rolled down his cheeks. He sat in an alleyway, being released from prison merely hours earlier. The blood from his arm circulated into a stain on his jeans. His cast was gone a long long time ago, leaving him with his skinny arm. His body trembled. Soon grabbing a used napkin from the dumpster and wiping down his arm. Staining it with a deep shade of crimson... He was unwell from the very start.

Haiji was always a gruff person. A rough personality and a less than friendly appearance. So, when he began who look to those who needed help, he couldn't help himself, at all. He held an organization for those who have been traumatized by their own children or those who are looking to help people in need. Jazz like that. That's where he would meet Taichi Fujisaki, a man trying to help those in need just like Haiji. He found the brunette as someone of... Interest. Haiji, a man, often questioning his sexuality, would keep his distance. His emotions were suppressed, he was depressed, and nothing was leading to success. Cue him hitting Rock bottom and sleeping with a woman, causing her to make a child. Giving the poor boy to Haiji who took advantage of the situation... And did some questionable things. Which, to put in gentle terms, was him sexually assaulting the Boy leading him to be imprisoned for most of the boy's childhood. That boy was Tsuma Towa.

You know damn well the Warriors of Hope never forgave Haiji for abusing Monaca. Though they never forgave Monaca either. She's still an abusive and manipulative bitch. Who in short terms, was a bad person like her older brother Haiji.

But now, Haiji being released from prison? He's changed... He's changed in so so many ways... It's kind of scary... He was now thin and pale, his eyes looked empty, emotionless. He seemed to only be running off cigarettes and booze at this point. Being garnered in a thick hoodie and jeans that appeared to hasn't been washed In a month. Haiji's hair was ratted and tangled. A glob of hair on the back of his head had morphed into one and just sat there in the form of a rats nest. His shoes were a pair of old converse, worn out after a long long time rendering them holey and tattered. If he could get his hands on a bottle of alcohol, he really would. But he's homeless now. He can't scrounge up enough yen to buy him anything. It was a bother to him really. The lump in his throat having to be swallowed down like his pride and joy.

His apology, who should he say it to first? He could have to cancel out which is what. Who did he hurt the most and who did he hurt the least. This led him to fall into a timeline of when he would send the letters to when he would kill himself. It was perfect. He lit up in a moment of realization to when he smiled sadly. He knew it. He knew it would work. Right? It had to! He hoped it worked.

The apology was the most important part. Planning to have a small note to his sister, his son, and Taichi. The most important notes out of the rest. And the most valuable ones that couldn't be lost. As he scrounged up his thoughts and feelings, his eyes came to a close. Resting his lavender eyes for a few seconds before slowly opening to find himself in the same position, the same stature, and the same mental instability.

Slowly, the pale man with stubble scattered across his complexion managed to stand. Body trembling due to his lack of water and food. He didn't bother to care for himself knowing his inevitable demise that was awaiting outside his old door. But, he wasn't afraid anymore. For death was now an old friend of his he was just waiting to reunite with. That's all. He didn't bother with Caring since his death was waiting for his hand in ending his life. The whispy dark being who loomed over his mind was death herself. Smiling as she watches his days tick down one by one. She was always there, creeping over him like a spider into your mouth as you sleep. Like a parasite into your body.

The vast feeling of loneliness washed over him in a tsunami. Remaining as an outcast or someone who stuck out like a sore thumb in the crowds of many people. All pushing and shoving him through the others causing him to trip upon his own feet and end up slipping on the damp sidewalk. Falling onto his bottom with a thud. Grunting a bit as he fell, Haiji sat there for a moment or two as his body remained trembling. He couldn't get up. How pitiful. He was only in his late thirties, about to enter his early forties. How he failed to get up on his own. He scooted to the nearest building. Grabbing the brick and climbed back to his feet. Hands shaking violently as he struggled to stand. He flopped around for a moment and soon with one hardy shove to his feet, he felt his body soon regain balance. Haiji stood there for a moment to catch his breath as some people stood and stared intently at him. Waiting for the moment for him to scatter off and run away or do something again like beforehand. Haiji stood in a moment of stage fright before waving at them, having them glare into him as he decidedly ran off. Shoes Making a plat plat plat as he scampered along and away from the judgemental views of the people.

When he went around a corner, he slid a bit, gliding in the puddle and across the way to the next pavement. His feet seemed light for a moment, he glided slightly as he ran, looking for the solace of his next place to settle down, like an alleyway of such. Unfortunately, he didn't find anyplace. He was speeding along the main streets of Tokyo and people stared at him as he was looking like he belonged in the Looney bin. Frame shaking as he made a swift turn, and soon he came to an abrupt halt. A wall sat before him as he ended up face first in the brick. And directly into a squishy princess poster, slowly sliding down as rain began to fall down on him. Coming down in small dribblets and then rolling down in a storm. His tears welled up in his eyes as he felt himself slowing down and sobbing. He hid his eyes away in his hands and cried out In anguish. Sheer pain that left his lips.

* * *

he let out sobs of pain and agony as the rain fell on his navy blue hair. He sat on his knees and rested his forehead on the brick wall and released pent up feelings of despair and utter agony. This, leading him to violently smash his forehead onto the wall. Causing blood to pool up on the self-inflicted wound. Someone, who had turned the corner with deep red eyes and black hair stared at him with a less than pleased expression.

"S-Sir! Stop! This is self-harm!"  
The red-eyed man exclaimed, his eyebrows thicker than his ass in many ways, expression stone cold. He wore a uniform of sorts. A large jacket atop of it and a warm scarf wrapped around his neck. The rain came down in puttering. The man, who seemed to be nearly 6'0, eyes welled of tears as he ran over and grabbed Haiji roughly who let out a shrill screech and flailed around at the touch. Making the man flinch out of response to the yelling. A man, taller than the first, with an odd hairstyle and a gruff yet softened demeanor, turned the corner. He wore a thick coat, and his mascara seemed to run off in the rain and down his cheeks when he unfolded the umbrella in his left hand. This man was definitely at least 6'0. Shoulders broad and strong as if he had worked out often. Pecs resembling breasts in the slightest.

"Taka, who is this guy?!"  
The man called out to the other, who was known as 'Taka'. Curious, as Haiji grew internally, but externally he freaked out as he was held down and the sky cried out in pity. Letting it's tears fall onto haiji's thin and mentally broken frame. Taka managed to stable him for some time so they could talk for a moment or so.

"I-I am not sure! He was just thrashing his head against the wall--!"  
The man supposedly named taka explained with a worn and nervous tone. The man bringing his umbrella along to Taka. Holding it over the man's spikey hair. Rubbing his back gently as Haiji seemed to cool his jets.

"It isn't that bad. He can be patched up in a bit, just need some hydrogen peroxide and cotton balls. Looking like a Lil bit of sleep would help as well."  
The tall man mumbled, staring dully at the wounds and rubbing the blood with his finger. Rain soon washing it away as he hummed softly. The man named taka frowned softly and sighed.

"Poor man. He should at least have some dignity left!!"  
Taka exclaimed. Making Haiji flinch in response to his tone of voice.

"Kyoudai, calm down-"  
The tall man said softly. Making Taka calm down quickly. Haiji seemed to be now crying quietly, much calmer than earlier to be certain. His frame, due to his shaking, eyes laying on his hands and soon on the men who had come across him.

"sir... what is your name?"  
the man who Identified as taka asked gently and quietly. speech as slick as butter that had been melted and whisked up... Haiji cleared his throat, hacking a few times and soon rubbing away his eyes. holding his eyes tightly shut... he hurt, it was a slow agonizing pain that ripped through his flesh and muscle. while it wasn't a literal pain, it was a mental pain. the loud voices shouting in his skull led him to fall limp and victim to the screams and loud yells in his head. who did he identify as again? a child molester? a monster? he could no longer tell as he attempted to form sentences that would be able to slide off his tongue. 

"h-hai-haiji---"  
he muttered and bit his tongue so hard he started to bleed. he hated his name, he hated it so so much. not only is that what he was known as by his sibling and son, but that's what everyone related the word 'monster' to. he was a sick monster. horrible and sickly pale. his mind was polluted with sick dark and twisted thoughts that trained through his dark tangled hair. it ran through his veins as a thick dark musky liquid. his blood was no longer blood in his eyes. it is toxic and he's toxic. 

taka seemed to stare for a moment, attempting to piece together whether that was his first name or last. They didn't know each other at all so when he took a moment to contemplate it he just decided that was his first name.

"and your last name--?"

"Towa."  
haiji said as clear as daylight making taka nod slightly. making a small 'oh' with his mouth and huffing. 

"I am Kiyotaka Ishimaru!"  
that name made haiji perk up with his blurry eyes. Hearing that name was... familiar... he had heard it many times before and as to why wasn't processing to him. so when he tried to process it his head started to hurt as he gripped his hair. Kiyotaka flinched and gently removed the man's hands from his hair to prevent the tight grip and tear of his tangled locks. Kiyotaka sighed softly at Haiji, nudging his apparent partner... 

"Names Mondo Oowada..."  
The man now known as Mondo said in a short huff of breath and itched his head. Haiji sucked in a deep breath as his hands were held in Kiyotakas... he bit his tongue as the salty red liquid filled his mouth. he swallowed it down bitterly and huffed.

"g-good to... uh... nice to meet you Ishimaru-Sama and Oowada-sama..."  
Haiji breathed out and held his eyes shut. the 'oowada-sama' part made Mondo scowl and roll his eyes. Mondo looked at the man with narrowed eyes... 

"Call me Mondo fucktard."  
the man hissed making Haiji flinch and then nodded frantically. Kiyotaka sighed loudly in response and scowled at Mondo.

"Mondo! Don't scare the poor thing!"  
he shouted and made Haiji jump again. his head hurting more as they shouted, leaving mondo to growl under his breath...

"...fine."  
Mondo growled under his breath and sent a glare at Haiji, Who was shaking and crying already so it didn't help. at all. Kiyotaka frowned and now felt god awful for yelling at mondo in this place... 

"hey, can you stand up for us?"  
Mondo grunted and raised an eyebrow as haiji, who was taller than him. Haiji grumbled and grabbed his arms away from kiyotaka. he bit his lips as he soon attempted to stand up. alas, he couldn't. his legs trembling' like there ain't no tomorrow. he snarled softly and grabbed the wall, nailing down and made a soft snap, and he came tumbling down back to square 1. he made a small sound as he stared at his now broken nail.

Kiyotaka seemed appalled. Hand pulling away for a moment as he soon grabbed Haiji securely. Mondo looked at Taka then grabbed Haiji. The two muscular men slowly pulling him up to his feet. Haiji slightly slumped in the arms of the two, eyes, dully looking down. He was pulled onto his weak trembling limbs as he stared off and out of the time frame.

The rest seemed to be a blur

The last thing he remembered was waking up on a couch in a unfamiliar living room. Haiji had shot up as soon as he regained consciousness. He blinked a few times as he gulped dryly. Eyes darting around as he breathed heavily. Where was he? Quite frankly Haiji didn't know. At all. It was completely new. But... He seemed to think for a moment.

*Kiyotaka and Mondo...* That's when it hit him. He was at the two strange men's house... Or apartment. Either works if I'm being honest here. Haiji released a sigh from his lips as he soon realized he was without his jacket and pants... Only in his t-shirt and boxers... Fair enough, he didn't suspect anything of it since he normally ended up like this when asleep. He peered around the room, finding his jacket on a coat rack by a door, and his jeans folded at the end of the couch... What time was it? It never hit him at all. Only when it lightly smacked him is when he looked at the cable. *3 am...*  
Shit.


End file.
